Day six

Close-up of wintry tree, leafless, in front a pink-hued city multi-story building.

18. The first day of the year. So many things this year. My heart was smashed and through the pulp and gore new space grew. Space for my analyst, my husband, my beautiful girlfriend, my new dog(s), art, maybe a wheelchair. So much goodness, so much wisdom and tenderness and peace.

19. Today I talked to someone about a friend we lost in 2019. How easy it is for everyone to judge quickly and harshly. There is always a story. It doesn’t always condone what is done, but it’s there, a fully fledged story no one will ever know fully.

20. My analyst is a remarkably humble human. I hope one day to have half her humility. She’s epistemologically humble and interpersonally humble.

21. Humility is not thinking poorly of oneself. That is not humility.

22. I watched Disobedience today. I think I have seen it before but it was new enough. Maybe I never did see it. What a lovely movie. A woman director would have given it a different ending. Maybe.

23. I too was told once, “Try to love men.” I wish I had been told, “You will always love women, let’s find a way to make you happy.”