1. Hope is not a feeling. Hope is a resolution.
2. I feel I have nothing to hang this hope on.
3. Which I think is the entire point of resolving to hope — for a while, see how it goes. (Hope is not a feeling).
4. I don’t want to ask anything of myself but to have hope.
5. Hope today is that:
5.1 S. loves me
5.2 Jennifer loves me.
5.3 My analyst loves me.
6. I can allow myself to be very little.
7. I will allow myself to be very little.
8. I find refuge in the thought that I am very little.
9. Very little babies don’t have to do anything.
10. I am a safe and loved little baby and there is nothing I have to do.
11. I am so scared.
12. Was this baby a terrified baby? Why yes, I think she was.
Painting, masher by Nadia Lysakowska, detail